i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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