false alarm. still invincible.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
