remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
