According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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