the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
