Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
