youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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