Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
