you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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