I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
