I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
