she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
