Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
