through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
