Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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