I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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