Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
birth control should be required to get into college
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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