ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
