so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
