Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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