So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
