I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
