I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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