Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
