He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
