What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
