everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
