OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
