My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
