I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
