This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
