how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
