College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
