Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
