dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
