i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
