Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
