Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
