Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
