Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
