remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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