Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need water and some morals
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
