He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
