What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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