You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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