I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
