You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
