He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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