I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Four minutes until I can fart!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
