she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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