Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
