i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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