I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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