So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
