Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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