...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
